Print

How Do You Act When The Pressure Is On?

How do you act when the pressure's on, When the chance for victory is almost gone. When Fortune's star has refused to shine, When the ball is on your five yard line?

How do you act when the going's rough, Does your spirit lag when the breaks are tough? Or, is there in you a flame that glows Brighter as fiercer the battle grows?

How hard, how long will you fight the foe? That's what the world would like to know!

Cowards can fight when they're out ahead. The uphill grind shows a thoroughbred! You wish for success? Then tell me son, How do you act when the pressure's on?

From "The Winners Manual" by Jim Tressell, Head Football Coach at Ohio State University

Print

Cowboy Boots

Did you hear about the Oklahoma teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why? Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boys cowboy boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, ‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet. ’ She looked, and sure enough, They were.

It wasn’t any easier pulling the kids cowboy boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the cowboy boots back on, this time on the correct feet. He then announced, ‘These aren’t my cowboy boots. She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’, like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting cowboy boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the kids cowboy boots off when he said, they’re my kid brother’s cowboy boots. My Mom made me wear em. Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the cowboy boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens? He said, ‘I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my cowboy boots.

Print

The Death of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense”, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.“Common Sense” lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

“Common Sense” lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.“Common Sense” lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.“Common Sense” took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.“Common Sense” finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. “Common Sense” was preceded in death by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust”; his wife, “Discretion”; his daughter, “Responsibility”; and his son, “Reason”.He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; “I Know My Rights”, “Someone Else Is To Blame”, and “I’m A Victim”.Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Written by Lori Borgman – http://www.loriborgman.com/

Print

Funny Stories About The Elderly

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over!

Its scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

Print

God Will Provide

So there's this huge flood one day, and an entire town looks like it's going to be swallowed up by the waters. And the Police and Rescue Agencies are running all over the place trying to get people to safety. So they send the rescue boat over to this house where a guy's sitting on the roof with the water lapping around his ankles and they say "Come on, quickly, there isn't much time" To which he says "Nah, it's ok, God will Provide"

So about an hour later they're zooming past in the boat again and they notice the guy's still there, only the water's up to his waist, almost at the top of the roof.. "Quick" they say, get in the boat, it's going to get worst before it gets better. "Nah, don't worry - God will Provide"

An hour after that a rescue helicopter flies over the area and notices the guy, who must be standing on the peak of the roof now, with only his head and shoulders out of the water. "GRAB THE ROPE!" they cry "IT'S YOUR ONLY HOPE!" "Don't worry" he replies calmly "God will provide."

So he gets drowned of course. And he goes to heaven, and is a little ticked off with god for drowing him like that, and expresses his concern saying "I had FAITH, I BELIEVED in you - and still you didn't help me"

"HELP YOU?!" God replies "What MORE did you want - I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"